Early bird gets the
worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If everything seems to be
going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Support bacteria - they're
the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger
When everything is coming
your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse
for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the
future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic
memory. Some just don't have film.
Shin: a device for finding
furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for
work when they find a job.
If Barbie is so popular, why
do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels
don't get sucked into jet engines.
If I worked as much as
others, I would do as little as they.
24 hours in a day ... 24
beers in a case ...coincidence?
Who is General Failure and
why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get
scared half to death twice?
If at first you don't
succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't
succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
A conclusion is the place
where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you
don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is
an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until
you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in
private, and failure in full view.
The hardness of the butter
is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is
proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one
person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
You never really learn to
swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene
pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind,
the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is
usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between
two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
inevitable....except from vending machines.
If you think nobody cares
about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Bills travel through the
mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from
pessimists-they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are
99 percent of lawyers give
the rest a bad name.
A conscience is what hurts
when all your other parts feel so good.
Last updated Saturday, January 11, 2003